sauce on the side

besides the fact that i’m turning into a loser/46 year old, here are a couple more things that are going on:

(well, for one thing. i’m procratinating about my task of trying to apply for jobs in three different states. obviously, if i am posting again)

1. my teacher self is having trouble containing herself outside of the classroom. when you spend all of your time with very rowdy middle school boys, you develop a certain tone in your interactions with the world that might not serve you all that well. example one involves how simon and i were running up through the park from boathouse row the other night, and i definitely caught myself giving the drug dealer on the corner the “teacher stare”. clearly, this is neither the time, nor the place to stop what you are doing and look long at hard at the person in front of you, as if to say, “don’t you dare think i don’t know exactly what you’re doing”. neither the time, nor the place. needless to say, he did not beg me not to call his mom, or give him a detention.
possibly even better was how this woman on our hall caught me talking to the dog on the way back inside the other night. he was being crazy in the hall, and she came out of her apartment just in time to hear me say, “we can stay in this hallway, practicing how to walk normally, for the rest of the night if that’s what you want. show me that’s what you want, and we’ll do it. try me.”. then yesterday this guy honked his horn and threw a total tantrum at me in center city when i wouldn’t go through a green light to block the box, and i had to work very, very hard not to stick my head out of the window and point out, that, “the more you honk, the slower i’m going to go…”. oh man. miss k. i try to leave her in room 414, but she keeps on coming home.

2. the second interesting discovery i’ve made this month has to do with law school. i’ve always sort of assumed that law school fell into what i refer to as my life’s “marathon” category. its a special category for things that i talk a lot of shit about (for being “lame”) but not-so-secretly assume i will someday do. anyway. the marathon is still on the table, as is moving to brooklyn, driving an expensive car, taking my dog to a groomer, and paying more than 100 dollars for a pair of shoes. but law school might be out. doron was kind enough to point this out to me after i expressed my frustration with a number of law articles i’d been reading by exploding with, “why the hell is everyone always on the constitution’s balls? who CARES if something is CONSTITUTIONAL? what if the founding fathers were retarded?”. apprarently, i don’t “accept the premise” of law, so i may not actually enjoy studying or practing it, ever. good thing i’ve already invested in a career in education, the other liberal arts default. bonus: by making 10 times less than any lawyer, i will no longer have to worry about taking back all my comments about nice cars and expensive shoes. let the shit talking begin in earnest.

i may have gone from big loser to XXL loser, and we may be at the point of no return. the signs have been slow, but steady (the 15 tote bags but not one cute little going out purse, the propensity to only have two wardrobes: one for work and one for the gym, the excitement i feel over tiny things like the first diet coke of the week or an hour to read the new yorker in peace…) but things seem to be coming to a head tonight as doron is out and my big plans include making macaroni and cheese (and not the kind from a box, either. oh no. we’re having whole wheat pasta. and i added tofu. i have turned into my mom, on crack). then i’m going to do work at my desk, taking a break for an hour of yoga (so i’ll be ready to get up old-person early and run for fun) and probably drinking half of a beer. and while i’m at it let’s ice the cake) i’ll probably listen to podcasted npr.
ARGGGHHHHHHHHHH. unless someone saves me from myself, you can all consider yourselves invited to my 46th birthday this july.

g’night everybody.